Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
