i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize