glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
