im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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