i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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