I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize