Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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