we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
