maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
false alarm, still single
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
