now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize