I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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