Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
