Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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