you guys were way drunker than both of me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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