oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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