My brain says no but my pants say off.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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