Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
