he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
