Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
