it hurts more in the daytime
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
