He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
