he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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