im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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