i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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