Already got asked if we're dating
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
