Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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