Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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