How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
