Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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