I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
