youre lurking in front of me
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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