How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize