I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
