I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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