hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
