omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
