I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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