do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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