the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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