God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
