Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
