you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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