If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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