She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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