If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
