I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
