i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
