I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
