How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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