Whod you bang
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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