there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
