Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
