I'm going to jail i love you
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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