I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
