totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
