so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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