wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
