wanna go halves on a baby?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
