Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize