No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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