I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
