just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
